DEAR KUKUA, my husband and in-law are taking me for granted and I am in dire need of advice.
I am 26 years and I have been with my husband for a year and we have a child. I am the type of lady that will easily forgive and I don’t like to have clashes with people so I try to get along well with everyone around me. And so if I love you I don’t mind sacrificing for you.
Lately, I feel that my husband has been taking advantage of me. Whenever he is struggling or sad I always drop what I am doing to help or console him. If he needs money or support in anything he does, I am always there to help him but when I need help or support he does not want to help.
I am a strong woman, it is not every time that I will call on him to help me so I don’t understand why whenever he needs me I go to him yet when it is his turn he always finds a way to deny me.
I am of the opinion that even though we are both working, we need each other’s support to move forward but my husband most of the time is not there for me.
Now he has allowed his mum to begin to decide things in our marriage and she has begun to manipulate and even tries to manipulate me but because I do not listen to her, she has begun to find issues with me.
Things have gotten so bad that she has begun to tell friends and family that I have a bad personality and that I don’t respect her. And when I tell my husband he keeps saying he will talk with her but yet nothing happens and I know he is aware of it.
I am hurt, tired, and in pain and highly disappointed. My husband is taking me for granted and I don’t know what to do.
KUKUA SAYS: I appreciate you reaching out and your desire to seek counsel.
Communication is a major part of every kind of relationship, more so for marriages. Ineffective communication can cause one to see problems that ain’t there or create problems.
Effective communication – say what you want to say with the aim of creating a positive change is key.
Your love language is seen in acts of service, you give your time and resources when it is needed. Your partner’s is clearly different, pay attention!
The strained relationship with your mother-in-law seems like one that has always been there. It’s important you manage it well now that it is quite obvious. Your partner should never have to choose between you two.
Have a talk with your partner about how the influence of his mum is adversely affecting your relationship, both of you must agree on practical measures to curb the situation and be committed to them.
It’s important you keep a positive attitude always…enjoy life, worry less.