I asked God, is this how you pay those who serve you?

Kenyan gospel singer and television host Kambua Manundu has recalled the chaos that surrounded her life in pursuit of motherhood.

In her conversation with Nigerian filmmaker Chude Jideonwo monitored by MyNewsGh, Kambua opened up about the emotional rollercoaster that defined her five-year struggle with infertility, the pain of miscarriage, and how her relationship with God evolved through it all.

“In the beginning, I knew God would do it,” she said. “But then I got to a point where I asked, ‘God, can you even hear me?’ Then came the moment where I just said, ‘Whatever.’”

The singer described cycling through hope, frustration, bitterness, and surrender. “There was a time I asked God, ‘Is this how you pay people who serve you? I’ve given you my life, my everything, and I’ve asked for just one thing,’” she recalled.

When she finally conceived after five years of trying, the pregnancy ended in miscarriage, an experience that left her in shock and deep spiritual confusion.

“I thought when you get pregnant, you keep it. What do you mean there’s no heartbeat?” she recounted.

The loss brought back haunting memories of her father’s death. “The words ‘I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat’ felt like the same finality I heard when my dad passed, ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing else we can do.’”

Despite the heartbreak, Kambua says that painful season ultimately pushed her toward complete surrender.

“I was really falling apart inside, but I learned that my faith had to mature. I realized that God is still good even when life doesn’t make sense.”