Marriage gives you a certificate before teaching you anything

Life coach Adeola Kingsley-James has questioned why many people enter marriage without any structured preparation, arguing that the institution demands skills most couples never acquire before committing.

The therapist said marriage is the only major institution where individuals are certified before they understand what they are supposed to do.

“We get into marriages with no training,” she said on The Clarity Zone podcast with Nedu Wazobia.

“Marriage is the only institution where they give you your certificate at the beginning, when you know nothing about what you’re getting into.”

She compared the lack of preparation to an untrained passenger attempting to fly an aircraft. “It’s like going into an airplane and telling the pilots to get out because we want to fly it ourselves,” she said. “At what point would they carry you and throw you in the asylum?”

Adeola added that this lack of grounding has pushed many people into unhealthy situations. “A lot of us are in asylums in our marriages today, yet we are expecting the best from ourselves. It’s impossible,” she stated.

She also advised that people entering blended families must be properly informed before making commitments. “Before you decide, let somebody first of all tell you all the things that will come with it,” she said.

Adeola criticised the guidance families often give, explaining that it is shaped by unresolved experiences. “The people we talk to, our parents, are speaking from pain,” she noted.