DEAR KUKUA, My Married Ex-Girlfriend and I still have strong s*xual feeling for each other

DEAR KUKUA, my ex-girlfriend is married with 3 children but we still have strong feelings for each other we almost had s*x when we met about 6 months ago.

I am 33yrs and my ex-girlfriend is 35yrs. Even though she is currently married with 3 children and happy in her marriage, she tells me she misses the good times we shared together when we were dating. I also have 2 kids from my current relationship with a lovely American woman.

I met my ex-girlfriend when we were both working together in the same department in a Financial Institution in Accra. I liked her very much so I asked her out and she accepted it. We fell in love with each other since then and the next 6 months were the best moments in my life. She loved every joked I told and she was really an open-minded girl which I loved so much about her. Our s*x life was perfect, we did a lot of kinky stuff in the bedroom together and it was so amazing. My friends liked her very much and she got along well with my whole family and friends.

Unfortunately, 5 to 6 months into our fairy-tale relationship, I got the opportunity to travel abroad. It was the hardest decision to make but it was a good opportunity for me. I knew my ex-girlfriend to be such a strong girl mentally that I thought she could handle my departure well. I was very wrong, she cried for over two months and lost so much weight she couldn’t handle it. Long story short, she had to find someone else to fill the void that I left.

She moved on and got married 8 months after my departure, but she says she doesn’t get the same treatment, good s*x, and jokes that I shared with her from her husband. After she had her second child, she was willing to divorce her husband so we could get back together. I feel the same way too so much that there’s this strong desire for us to revisit our past and spend nights together whenever I visit Ghana.

We almost had s*x last time I visited Ghana when she visited one nice afternoon. We were alone in the room chatting, hugging, and touching each other s*xually. But I thought for a minute and came up with an excuse for us to step outside. I didn’t want to sleep with someone’s wife even though I could see from her eyes that she really wanted it. I managed to control myself that day but I have these regret feelings sometimes when I think about her. She also tries to control herself sometimes by ignoring my calls and text messages. I know this because she has told me many times that she ignores me on purpose. I want to stop having this s*xual desire for her. What should I do?

Facing Similar Issue? Write to Kukua for advice

KUKUA SAYS: The right thing… the right thing is what you do and it is what you have started.

A responsible adult is one who knows what to do and does so at the right time. You understand that ‘digging’ into someone’s wife is wrong… it’s why you controlled your urges even though you had this lady on a silver platter.

S*xual obsession can be so overwhelming for all, how we decide to react makes the difference. Good thing is, our reactions are completely within our power and no ones.
If you understood when you met that she is married and so you couldn’t engage her s*xually, for as long as her status remains married, steer clear!

A phone conversation between you two should be enough to say why whatever you had in the past cannot be continued…. your reverence for marriage. After which, intentional measures like no calls, no texts… no communication. Constant communication only fuels your desire. Conscious efforts to keep her out of your thoughts will kill these desires. We should be willing to live with the decisions we make…

She chose her path because it solved her loneliness… what has changed? A lot! what hasn’t changed? You are still on different continents. There are many connections you can make from here if you allow yourself. You both do not owe each other anything anymore.